Epiphany
by Lia Tsuka
Summary: Hai. I know where Shu-chan is. But why should I tell you, He's somewhere where he could be happy, maybe even find someone to love him and to love back. Give me one good reason to tell you. Just. one." YukixShu Mpreg
1. Chapter 1: Mistakes

Konnichiwa Minna

This is my first Gravi fic. YAY! go me but Not my first fic so critiques are welcome! I'm always trying to better my writing... But I beg of you be gentle with my poor artist's soul...(Sniffles)

...Alllrigghty then, enough with the melodramatics from the back row. Honestly. (Rolls eyes)

Without much further ado I welcome you to a tale of Love, heartbreak and forgiveness.

**Dedication:** To my wonderful mum, who may not ever read this story but means the world to me. She's one of the greatest people I know.

**Inspiration:** My sweet lady (John Denver), Tong hua (Guang liang).

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Gravitation cast, they belong to the genius that is Maki Murakami. I'm just borrowing them! If they're too OOC please tell me!

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Chapter 1: Mistakes

Click, click, tap, click, tap, tap, tap,

Elegant pale fingers flew across the keyboard, words appearing fluidly and languidly across the white screen of the monitor. Silence for a brief while as hands massaged the bridge of an aquiline nose. Then again the words flew, letters after letters until the hands pushed away the keyboard and amber eyes viewed the words with indifference and satirical scorn.

Crap. Absolute crap.

A tap of the keyboard and the words disappeared as quickly as they had arisen.

The grating, squeaking noise of the chair against an impeccably clean parquet floor, that shined ever so slightly, was the only sound heard in the quiet apartment. This random fact only made itself known to the tired author when he stepped into the kitchen. Amber eyes widenend, imperceptibly to those who did not know him and then narrowed again.

Baka.

A look of sadness slowly overcame his features and he paused, conremplatively, staring at a spot a few feet in front of him,

_"Eiri_

_The man known as Eiri stood up from his rummage in the fridge with a beer in one hand; the imported kind, not the cheap stuff, and a customary cigarette hanging loosely from his mouth. _

_"What now brat? I have a deadline and your whiny voice is gratng on my nerves!"_

_Hurt flickered in amethyst orbs, warring with anger and..disappointment?_

Eiri Flinched visibly as he recalled the look in his little lover's..past lover's...eyes and it hurt him. It had hurt him then but being the stubborn jerk he was, Eiri had disregarded it as mere annoyance.

_"I..You see..It's..."_

_"Brat if your done wasting my time, I have work to do"_

_He brushed past the smaller man and was making his way to the study when Shuichi called out behind him._

_"I'm pregnant!"_

_He froze._

_"What?" Came his hoarse voice. Please let that be the years of smoking._

_"I'm pregnant." This time quieter._

_"You can't be. It's impossible." He made a move to walk again. _

_"It is. You can check at the hsopital if you want. I'm not sure how..." The younger mans voice trailed off, hesitant. _

_"Whos is it?" Polite question. Formal. Icy. Good keep up the reputation._

_"Yours. Who do you think? Santa Claus?" Came the sarcastic reply. Unusual for the usually cheery man. Although this wasn't a usual situation...wait scratch that more unusual than most they'd had. _

_Thoughts whirled in his head. Pregnant...no...no...not good with kids. Was that warmth fluttering in his heart.?? _

_"Fine whatever. Get rid of it." Ignore the stap of pain in your chest. Kids screw things up. Well screw things even more up. Shuichi did more than enoguh of that by waltzing into his life..._

But, he thought reflectively... his little lover didn't...did he? It was always Eiri. It was always himself..Shuichi was...was more than he'd ever hope to find in life and like a Jerk he'd messed it up. Story of his life.

He walked out of the kitchen a little lost, through the bedroom and out onto the balcony...Fumbling with a cigarette, he lit it, trying hard not to look at the lighter in his trembling hand..why was it trembling??

_"I'm keeping it." Came the quietly defiant voice. _

_" No your not. I don't want kids." Eiri shot back. That's it use anger as a defense. Anger and indifference. _

_"This isn't just your decision!" He could hear the petitie man walking up behind him and a small pale hand placed on his shoulder. "And despite what you say. I know you care more than your letting on. I know you" The wrods were soft. assured. it infuriated Eiri and scared him. Where was the childish immature brat who he could deal with._

_The beer clattered to the floor, as Eiri spun round fixing an icy glare on the younger man, who met it challengingly with a slight fear in his eyes but also resolution._

_"I don't care what you _think_ you know about me. You know nothing. Do you want to know why your still here? Your a good fuck. that's it. End of story. No attachments. no strings"_

_This time Eiri was overwhelmed by the pain flooding amethyst orbs and instinctively knew he'd gone too far, he'd crossed a certain line. _

_"Then why am I still here? You say no attachments? then why after three years. Three years! Am I still here!?" The younger mans voice began to raise at the end of his sentence, eyes flashing hurt and anger in equal mixes._

_"Your a good fuck" Came the annoyed growl. Since when did he growl. Where was the indifference? "And your too stubborn and stupid to recognise when I want you gone."_

_"You want me...gone.." It was more of a statemnt than a question."What about your child. Our child?" _

_"What about it? I don't want kids. You want it? Fine, then leave. I have a deadline to finish. I don't need this now."_

_Eiri turned and walked across the threshold to his study and shut the door. _

_He heard Shuichi walk up to it, his soft voice, shaking. From anger? Sadness? _

_"If that's what you want..then I'll leave...but do you want to know why I stayed all these years? Why I put up with all the selfish crap you throw at me every day!?" He didn't wait for an answer before stumbling on in a choking voice, "I saw the good in you. You may not see it. No-one else may see it, but I see it. It's there, buried benath pain and hurt and...and...I thought I could." He stopped, took a trembling breath and continued whilst Eiri sat there slightly stunned. "I thought I could bring that out in you a bit more, that I could somehow make you happy. _

_Because...becuase..." The sobs were coming freely now.." You deserve to be happy Eiri. You hear me! You deserve it. I don't care if you don't believe me but it's true and I've been realizing lately that I...that I can't make you happy, that I'm not good enough. So maybe you need to find that happiness on your own and if I have to leave for that to happen then so be it because whether it's with me or wihout me... as long as your happy then I'll be fine... So when you've found your happiness, you're welcome to visit your child whenever you wish." Sobs finally took over the wavering voice. " I love you Eiri Uesagi. Don't forget that. Don't ever doubt it. I. love. you." _

_Then he was gone, and Eiri was left staring at a blank computer screen, unmoving, unseeing, his lovers words runing through his head until he drifted off to an uneasy sleep. _

When he'd woken up in the morning all trace of his little singer was gone, despite a frantic searching of the apartment. His friends were at a loss. Even Tohma had no clue. And so Eiri tried to belive it was for the best. That all the brat had done was hold him back. That the strawberry headed man was just a good fuck. He drowned himself in work, but found that no inspiration would come to him. It was as if it had left with the singer.

The brat was wrong, he decided angrily. He wasn't happier on his own.

And then it hit him. He wasn't happier alone..because he was happiest when he was with Shuichi. Suddenly everything clicked into place. Everything he'd said and done, everything Shuichi had done, it all came rushing back in a dizzying flood of emotions. And as a wisp of smoke lazily danced into the clear night sky of inner city tokyo; the inky blackness merging with the dim orange from the many lights, Eiri Uesagi realised he had just made the most monumental mistake of his life. He'd let his happiness walk straight out of his life because he was a fucking coward.

In the distance the faint rumbling of cars and inner city life could be plainly distinguished and as another wisp of smoke began its journey Amber eyes narrowed in determination.

* * *

And there it is. The 1st chapter.

Leave a review and tell me what you think. Did it smell of cheesey socks? Was it as gormless as a piece of stale shortbread? A literary wonder? Or even if you want to tell me you've been sitting at your computer for the last week, without bathing. All and any comments welcome. FLAMES will be fed to Spud and Flip and then used as fertiliser.

Free huggles to all reviewers. Is that tempting enough for ya? 

Sayonara

Karusu-hime


	2. Chapter 2: Regrets

Hey! Sorry for the long update but I've been swamped with A-level work and exams. Gahh school is so hard! TT So anyway here's the latest update.

Personal thanks to all my reviewers I'm glad your enjoying my story! I know it's sad at the moment but all will work out!

Special thanks to my beta: PatPat. (Her english is better than mine)

**Dedication:** To my mum!

**Inspiration:** Gackt- regret, Spirited away - always with me.

**Disclaimer:** I do not and never will own Gravitation.

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**Chapter 2: Regret**

_A young man stood alone in the midst of Tokyo; surrounded by the bustling crowds of the never sleeping city. The drunken antics of teenage party-goers clattered in his head amongst the general noise of the crowds. If one looked close enough tear tracks would be visible down flushed cheeks, dimly lit by the orange haze permeating the streets. A black beanie was pulled down low; only the faint tips of pink hair showing, dark sunglasses obscuring resigned and weary eyes. This snpashot in time ended abruptly as eager youths pushed past him laughing and jostling. Stumbling the man regained his balance and was swept away into the crowd._

_Pushed and pulled along like the eddying currents of a stream, the man made his way through the blur of people lost in his own thoughts, head bowed down, hands stuffed in the pokets of an oversized faded hoodie. _

What...what do I do now? _he thought brokenly. _Hiro's at Ayaka's but then...I wouldn't want to trouble him with this. It's my problem..mine..my child..._His thoughts broke off on tangent..._why does't he want it? Wy doesn't he want me??? And the band..I can't perform whilst pregnant and the media...oh Kami-sama..

_His thoughts trailed off as he became more aware of his surroundings and pushed back against the tide, threading his way through the sea of people. Heading down a side street he came to a small non-descript hotel, not too far from N-G and out of place in the bustling hive of technology that surrounded Tokyo. Pausing a moment he took a steadying breath and pushed open the door. He was greeted at the reception by a curvaceous japanese brunette with almond eyes that usually sparkled with intelligence and humour, but taking in his haggard appearance filled with concern. Without thinking the young man headed towards her and embraced her tightly, repressed sobs making their way through his slight frame, black glasses falling to the floor. Surprised for but a moment, she quickly returned the hug, feeling tears stain her cream blouse. Gently motioning his head upwards she looked into his eyes and grabbing a set of keys dragged him into the room he always stayed in after being kicked out by Eiri or needing somewhere quiet to write lyrics. The young man latched onto her again as soon as they were in the room and she hushed him, much like a mother to a chuld._

_"Sssh, sshh, quiet now."_

_In time the sobs quieted and the young man pulled back dragging the back of his hand across his eyes._

_"He..he told me..to leave" he laughed brokenly and bitterly. _

_The woman looked confused for a minute before motionuiing his head towards her lap. rocking his head gently, she let him tell her the night's events._

_"He's closed off from me again..I...I thought we had made progress but it's worse than before New York! He's physically there but emotionally I can't reach him. He..he doesn't want me..or...or the baby. Why? Why? What did I do wrong?"_

_There was slight reprimand in her voice this time. _

_"There isn't anything wrong with you. Nothing at all. If he can't see how lucky he is then screw him."_

_"But..I love him." came the soft voice of a child who's cried too hard._

_Th petitie woman continued rocking his head slowly._

_"I know." A quiet pause. " Do you know what you'll do next?"_

_A sharp intake of breath was heard. Sh'ed touched on the thoughts that had been plaguing him since he'd left Eiri's._

_"I don't really know." The young man admitted. " But I can't stay here, especially not pregnant. It'd become too much for the band to handle eventually."_

_"I'm sure they'd be supportive."_

_"It's not that..it's just...There'll be concerts and press releases, songs to write, performing, reheasring and whilst that might be okay for the first few months eventually it'll put stress on the baby. I wouldn't be able to do concerts and what about after?? I couldn't just leave the baby while I resume the life of a singer. That may work for some people, but I won't do it! I want to be there. And of course don't forget the ever-present press! Think of the headlines once this gets out, it will eventually, I Know it's selfish but I don't want to deal with that and I don't want Eiri to deal with that either...I just...I think it would be better if the band disbanded, for me, the baby, to leave at the pinnacle of our career."_

_The young man stopped stopped speaking and sighed._

_"Am I a coward? Running away."_

_The woman didn't reply for a while and The young man had almsot fallen asleep when she spoke. _

_"No your not running as such. I think your just changing. Grwoing up and reorganising your priorities. That's normal, but where will you go. If your leaving you obviously can't stay in Tokyo."_

_"I..I don't know. I haven't thought that far ahead. Hiro's out, I don't want to burden him or my family, well they're out anyway since they disowned me when I strted dating Eiri, so what they'll do if I turn up pregnant I don't particularly want to think about it."_

_The woman again pused for thought._

_"You could stay with my parents in Hattoji Furusato (1)."_

_"Really? They wouldn't mind?"_

_A short chuckle was his answer._

_" Of course not you silly baka. Even though you and you family moved away from there to Outer Tokyo they still think of you as a son. Especially since we've been as inseperable as twins since early childhood. Besides I think a change of scenery would be good for you. Do you remember the rice paddies?"_

_" Hai! In the summer they were always a stunning green and we'd play hide and seek in them, annoying all the farmers and getting drenched. Old man Jinta used to yell and brandish his stick at us!" His normal enthusiasm had seeped ever so slightly into his voice and she recieved a shaky smile._

_" If it's not too much trouble...Arigatou Ayame-chan"_

_"No problem, sweetie. Now You look exhausted, get some sleep. We'll sort out your affairs here and you'll be off in a few days." Giving him a soft hug she pulled away, gesturing to the bed behind her. "Now sleep!"_

_Chuckles met her ears._

_"Hai Ayame-chan"_

_Walking through the door she heard a whisper_

_"Oyasumi nasai.."(2)_

_Closing the door she whispered back_

_"Oyasumi nasai Shu-chan."_

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That's it! so continue sending me reviews! I look forward to your enlightning comments!

1) Hattoji Furusato is a japanese village in the Okayama prefecture of Japan. It;s a small mountain village, settled in by buddhists around 1270 years ago ( I think) Rice paddies are common there and it's a homage to the film 'Black rain' by Shohei Imamura, which was shot there.

2) I'm pretty sure this means goodnight. But if it doesn't then please tell me!


	3. CHapter 3: Reminiscing

..Peeks out from behind cushion fortress..

Before you start to heckle me for absence. Which I deserve. I would like to point out I have been swamped with A-level work and exams. Thankfully they have finished and I am now a year 13 student. BOO YA! So i shall have a bit more time to devote to studies before September begins.

Thanks as always to my loyal reviewers.

Special thanks to Irvine Cypher who gave me some helpful hints on the Japanese language! Thank you. They are most welcome. Always keep striving to be better, because there is always more to be learned.

**Dedication:** To my wonderful mother

**Inspiration:** Silent hill Soundtrack; Promise, Not forever, Never tomorrow, Intro, Tears of pain.

**Disclaimer:** I own a jar of dirt. That's it. Gravitation belongs to Murikami. But...Na na na na. I have a jar of diiirrrttt.

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Reminiscing

Amber eyes stared vacantly out of the murky train window. Barely paying attention to the blurred and muted landscape passing by.

The man's thoughts were competely occupied by one, hyperactive pink bundle of energy.

A pink bundle of energy carrying his child.

An uncharacterisitcally mournful sigh passed the man's lips and his hand clenched around a tattered scrap of paper.

_Flashback_

_Yuki Eiri did not beg._

_Standing outside the motel, said Yuki Eiri a.k.a Eiri Uesagi, raised an eyebrow to the platinum NG president stood next to him; wondering how he ended up here. The man merely smiled and gestured in a manner designed to be as theatrical as possible._

_"Cut with the dramtics Seguchi." The blonde muttered scornfully. _

_"I am wounded my dear brother in law, I am merely assisting you in your endeavour."_

_The blonde sighed and muttered once more. _

_"Fine. Now explain what in Kami's name we're doing here."_

_Gesturing once more to the building Seguchi spoke_

_"Well from information I_...gathered_...as per your request Eiri-san...I have tracked young Mr Shindou here. Apparently the owner is very well-aqquainted with our missing singer. "_

_Eiri made a move towards the entrance but was held back by a small but incredibly firm hand. _

_"Let me handle this Eiri. You have a.. distinct lack of people skills."_

_As if on cue the president swept forward, fur coat billowing out behind him and entered the establishment; followed by a surly and over-tired Eiri. _

The only reason I'm on this wild-goose chase is for Shu_...The blonde thought, heart clenching painfully at the image of his missing lover._

_Stepping through into the reception the author's eyes glanced upon a small, petite, brunette with almond eyes. Those same eyes narrowed; a small fake smile on her undoubtedly pretty face. _

_Touma's words echoed in his head_

_"Well aqquainted with our missing singer."_

_How well aqquainted? A hot flash of jealousy swept through his system._

_His introspective thoughts were cut off as Seguchi began to talk. _

_"Konnichiwa Sato-san. I believe you have information regarding one Shindou-san."_

_Here, her eyes darkened. _

_"And your here to.. what? Call him back home like an obedient puppy?" _

_Before Seguchi could reply, the now angry young woman had turned to the author,_

_"And you. How dare you come in here asking for Shu-chan. After he's cried for you, _because _of you."_

_The author's eyes flashed dangerously. _

_"And you have no idea how much I regret that, how much want to apologise..to explain.." His voice had softend by the end, the fire dimming to a soft ember._

_The young brunette, scrutinised him and Eiri had the distinct impression she could read his soul. He quickly burshed off that absurd thought. _

_Eventually she sighed, almost in resignation and gestured them both to follow through to her office. She flopped into the rather comfy chair behind her desk, a look of weariness on her features. Both men remianed standing._

_Seguchi's well practiced smile came into full view as he began to speak._

_"Now I do believe you have information for us Sato-san?" _

_"Hai. I know where Shu-chan is" Eiri bristled at that endearment "But why should I tell you, especially the one he's trying to hide from. He's somewhere where he could be happy, maybe even find someone to love him and to love back. Give me one good reason to tell you. Just. one." Her eyes flashed challengingly. _

_Golden met almond in a rush of emotions uncharacteristic for the reclusive blonde author. _

_"Because I made a mistake. I've made a lot of mistakes when it came to our relationship." He paused briefly " I've made a lot of mistakes and I want him know.. I need him to know how much I regret that. That despite everything I've said or done..I..I...love him." A great weight he hadn't realised he was carrying, seemed to lift off his chest" And he deserves at the very least to be told that. To be told the truth...and if he doesn't feel the same anymore.." His throat felt tight" If he's found someone else..someone better..then I'll let him go. But he should at least be given the privelage of knowing everything I didn't tell him when i should've. _I. Love. Him_."_

_Almond eyes stared once again at the author and with another sigh she fished out some paper from the piles of clutter. Writing down an address she handed Eiri the little scrap. _

_Unbeknownest to Eiri his companion's eyes had narrowed with emotion at his speech, swirls of sadnesss and longing mixing till they were replaced with the familiar placid stare. Another set of eyes however had noticed. _

_"He's staying in the __Hattoji Furusato region. We grew up there as kids."_

_Eiri's hand grasped the paper tightly and almost ashamed at his lack of control and determination at finding _his_ Shu-chan he spun and walked out of the room pausing breifly. _

_"Arigatou Sato-san"_

_Then he was gone._

_Outside the motel he waited for his brother in law..although he'd be dmaned if he'd admit any kind of relation to him out loud. He _did_ help find Shu though..._

_The closing of the door awoke him from his musings and to his surpise he found the president looking shaken. It was quickly gone though and the blonde turned to Eiri with a small smile. _

_"Shall I phone for transport for two then?_

_The author shook his head._

_"This is something I must do on my own.Gomen."_

_He turned to walk away but stopped_

_"And Nii-san" He missed the look of shock and of sadness on his companions face. "Arigatou,"_

_No, The author thought as he walked away, Yuki Eiri did not beg. Or plead for that matter. However, he conceded, Eiri Uesagi would do whatever it took to find Shu and bring him and the baby home._

_End Flashback _

The author's eyes narrowed once more determinedly as the night finally settled in over the passing landscape.

He was going to find his lover and his child and to hell with everything else.

And that's chapter 3 of Epiphany, can you feel the suspenseful suspense?

Will Eiri find and convince Shu to come back home?

Has Shu found someone else?

Why is Touma so shaken?

Is Eiri an alien?

I look forward to reviews!! Chapter 4 will be up hopefully soon and has special fruity content. Mwuah ha ha.

HA

Sayonara!


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